A White Wedding

Heather is off to the depths of Kelowna for her brother’s wedding. It’s going to be one hell of a party! Post to come.

I recently had my eyes tested by a handsome fella and after chatting, we realized we went to the same university together. He for optometry, I for English lit. Turns out, we took a course together with a notoriously awesome professor, who was a cross between Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart (read: haggard, yet stylish, young at heart and oozed sex appeal to some ladies; myself not included).

All that talk left me nostalgic and I thought about all the books he made us read: Et Tu, Babe, Lolita, Book of Salt, Melancholy of Anatomy and various other works that left you thinking…What. The. Eff?!

And, then I remembered his favourite quote:

“He’d sell a rat’s asshole to a blind man for a wedding ring.” – Richard Brautigan

Congrats R and K!


Tuesday’s tip from the lawyer

Summer is all about having a barbeque with friends and at Our House, we have been quite successful with our barbeques this year. Three in a row! Veggies, fishies and wieners (for the four legged meat eating type) danced on the grill over the weekend.

While we were enjoying ourselves in Vancouver, the lawyer was having his own barbeque and came up with something prolific :

Sir John A Macdonald is a feisty old fart.

Sir Dub-ya Laurier never looked so relaxed

Your Majesty, I'm confused.Today’s tip from the lawyer is to use your brain. You never know when you will crack a case (legal case, not a case of beer), or come up with some jazzy idea that will entertain your friends miles and miles away.

Bullet necklace, funny money pictures…what will you come up with next, dear A?

Excuse our absence; Our House was filled with fluid in the ear and food poisoning last week.

Tips from a lawyer

There once was a little boy named Billy, and Billy wanted a BB gun. He prayed each night, on his knees, at the foot of his bed to all the gods out there, that one day he may receive such a gift. On his birthday, his friends decided that they would make little Billy’s (or not so little Billy as case may be now that he’s an “adult” in his late twenties) dream come true. They all pitched in and bought him the most glorious BB gun money can buy.

At little Billy’s birthday party in Calgary, they presented him with his new gift and he was blown away. He sobbed and sobbed until he could cry no more and said “let’s get this sissy party started!”. His friends cheered and they toasted to the birthday boy with a 60 of Jack Daniels that was bought for $2 at a Mad Hatter’s tea party.

Toonie Toss Trouble

As the party went into the night, these boys came up with something that may fright. A game! A game, indeed. Not for the faint at heart, or with much logic. It’s something out of the books of Robin Hood and the legendary dare-devils; shoot an apple off your head and pray you don’t end up dead.

The boys took turns testing their wit; bang! bang bang BANG! Or is it p-tew! p-tew! Either way, you have a plate in front of your face, an apple on your head and a BB gun being shot at you. The game was a great success until there was one man down. Blood. So much blood coming from his beautiful head. The bullet grazed his scalp and left the poor man bleeding. They patched him up and kept the party going. Cake! Let them eat cake!

Days went by and as the swelling went down and the scab started to heal, the boy felt the top of his head and was sure there was something in it. After pondering whether or not to cut his own head open, he decided to leave it up to the professionals and went to visit the good doctor.

“My boy, what did you do?” said the doctor.

“Hunting accident.” said the boy.

The doctor gave him a rather confused look and said “Oh? Were you trying to hunt rodents with a BB?”

“No, apples.” He bashfully admitted.

The doctor didn’t even want to get into it with him – “No sense asking a silly questions, so let’s just get this thing out. Nurse, scalpel.”

After a snip and a stitch, out popped this little gem.

Your Honour, exhibit A

This week’s Tip From a Lawyer: If you have a foreign object shot into your head, make a necklace. It goes along with the old saying: If someone gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Oh Canada!

Canada turned another year older last week and she graced us with a bit of attitude. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to – that she did. Tears fell from the sky in Vancouver during the day and by evening, she sorted herself out and brought out the sun.

I once had a pinata for my birthday and didn’t realize that it was supposed to have the crap smashed out of it and I too cried. While my mum distracted the kids with candy, our nanny (who also taught me how to make spring rolls when I was 7) consoled me and explained how pinatas worked. We rescued the head of the donkey and that satisfied me.

Our Canada Day was filled with fun in Vancouver and Calgary.

Boys, sometimes a girl just needs one. Boys.

That is Daniel, Heather says he likes chicken. Hi Daniel. Who is that other striking fella? Mystery man.