But, ofhourse!

A brunette decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune… the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Blonde jokes are so last year. Let’s start making fun of brunettes. I mean, most blondes (except us) are brunettes in disguise.

Last week Heather went on a little horsey ride and she managed to snap Savannah in action.

My throat feels a little horse

I’m sure she had something good to say…

Advertisements

Meet Heather’s family

If you have met Heather, you know that she’s pretty fantastic and I think that this photo pretty much sums up how awesome she is…

The family that looks totally awkward together, stays together?!

Now, please note a few things here:

  • Anastasia (future Olympian) is in her speed skating get-up. Some kids have a little mermaid dance costume, or perhaps a nice velvet riding helmet, not little A – she has a rubber onesie!
  • Yes, that is Heather with the short hair and yes, that is her brother leaning over top of her. Even in her Value Village golf shirt phase, she sure had pretty nails.
  • Heather’s Aunt M must love her kids the most because none of them are doing anything embarrassing in this photo, apart from being in it…

Another reason why Heather (and her family) are the dog’s bollocks, she’s totally cool with this picture being up here. How hasn’t http://www.awkwardfamilyphoto.com got a hold of this yet?!

This picture makes me laugh more than the egg joke.

N

A Monday joke

If you’re my friend, you have likely hear this joke before. It’s an oldie, but it’s certainly a goodie. It has not been changed or altered from the original email I received.

“Two eggs, on their wedding night, have happily just been married and everything is juicy.  things are heating up.  they go to slip into something more comfortable, she gets into some sexy night clothes and he comes out pretty naked but wearing a motorcycle helmet.  she’s like ok whatever, and they start to make out and stuff.  after a while, he has still not taken off the helmet and she’s practically naked.  she finally asks, listen, this is fun, and everything, but why the hell are you wearing a motorcycle helmet on our marriage night???  he says, i’m sorry, but the last time i was this hard somebody smacked me over the head with a spoon!!!”

I lied, I slightly altered it…I couldn’t stand the conjunctions sans apostrophe. The punctuation and missing capitalizations are somewhat killing me to look at, but I’ll let it slide.

Anyone else remember this little grammar song? “Conjunction – junction, what’s your function?”

N

Tights are not pants

Ladies. We all love our leggings/tights/whatever you want to call them, but these comfy little gems should never be worn the same way you would wear your jeans. No matter how cute your bum is, you must wear a shirt/dress/tunic long enough to cover said cute bum. Wearing tights as pants is only acceptable at the gym and if you are under 16 years of age. Then, you don’t know any better. Or, if you’re Lindsay Lohan. Again, she knows no better.

Some things are better left to the imagination

Boys, I can feel your stink eye from here.

End rant.

Ed. note: One of the main reasons being – when you bend over, your black tights become sheer, which means that myself and others can see your butt crack if you’re wearing a thong or no knickers. We’re ladies. Let’s keep things classy.